


Condolences

by samos7



Series: Effects of Amnesia [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Amnesia, Gen, Gun Violence, Non-Consensual Electroconvulsive Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:20:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24006496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samos7/pseuds/samos7
Summary: He knew the moment he saw Peter’s blood on the floor that the image would haunt him for the rest of his life, but he hadn’t realized the extent of it at the time. It has been around two weeks since the escape, and Tony has relived the moment every night since then.~Part Two to fanfic 'Not Gone But Forgotten'
Relationships: Happy Hogan & Peter Parker, Happy Hogan & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: Effects of Amnesia [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1729879
Comments: 19
Kudos: 165





	Condolences

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ninjazzz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ninjazzz/gifts).



> Hi everyone! Around a week ago I wrote a fanfic called 'Not Gone But Forgotten' and since then I had a few requests to make a followup in Tony's POV (meaning two or three comments lol). So that I did, and I wrote this rather quickly so I hope it suffices!  
> ~  
> ❌ WARNING: This fanfic also talks heavily on death, so I'm going to put a trigger warning in here just in case ❌

Under normal circumstances, Tony doesn’t run away. 

He knows the importance of winning wars, not battles, and while he wasn’t exactly sure which one they were up against, Iron Man sure as hell doesn’t back down from a fight.

That being said, Tony sprints out of the room as soon as the opportunity arises. He had waited patiently for the kid to make his grand entrance, and from there it was a race to see which one of them would make it out of the cell alive.

He hears gunshots behind him, and he prays that it was Peter pulling the trigger and not the alternative. The escape plan was risky and borderline suicidal, but Tony had to admit it was working to their benefit so far.

When Peter had first shared the details, Tony had thought he was talking to a maniac. There was an odd, desperate glint in his eyes that told Tony that the escape plan wasn't for Peter to survive, but instead himself. 

He supposes that was to be expected when you meet a superfan, but this was different. Something about Peter was different even after just meeting the kid yesterday.

He was constantly moving in some way, whether that be bouncing on his feet or quite literally climbing the walls, and just watching him made Tony drowsy. 

Still, Peter seemed confident in himself despite the awkward fidgeting, and he was so certain that this was the right thing to do. It had taken a lot of convincing for Tony, but apparently Peter had faced these types of threats before.

He didn’t try to unpack that one at the time, knowing it would give him a headache, he only feels bad for the kid’s parents. 

Eventually Tony had found himself agreeing, and the way Peter’s face lit up had him thinking that he had made the right decision.

But now, standing in front of the entrance and waiting for Peter to show up had Tony questioning his agreement. The kid had promised that he would meet in time for them to leave the building together, yet five minutes had passed and Tony was still alone. 

This wasn’t part of the plan.

Tony feels uncomfortable simply waiting at the doors. He had just fought a group of guards off, and his fight-or-flight response begged at him to do anything other than stand there. 

Nevertheless, he keeps his promise to Peter, not because he wants to but he feels like it’s necessary. He knows that leaving without the boy is not an option, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. 

Five minutes turn into ten minutes, and Peter still refuses to show up. At this point, Tony is only annoyed. The fire alarms going off weren’t helping with his mood, and he knows that he’s going to get a migraine from all of this is over.

But right when he’s about to lose hope, he hears footsteps approach him and he can’t help but breathe a small sigh of relief. Tony turns around in an instant, expecting to see the kid that he has some reason grown accustomed too during his time in the cell. 

“Took you long enough Parker.” 

Tony is taken aback to find not Peter, but instead Happy Hogan geared up and ready for battle. 

He doesn’t waste a second as he rushes over to Tony and grabs him by the shoulders, seemingly terrified judging by the way his hands slightly shake. 

“Where’s the kid?” 

Tony feels his mouth physically drop open, “you mean Peter?”

“Who else would I mean, why aren’t you with him?” Happy’s tone was sharp and threatening but there was something deeper to it. Underneath all the harshness was worry, and Tony doesn’t think he’s ever been more confused in his life. 

He ignores all of the questions he has, knowing that there was a time and place for them. He has no idea how Happy knows who Peter is, nevermind why he seemed so afraid for his well-being, though he supposes it wasn’t important at the moment. 

“We had to split up, but he should be here any minute now.” Tony tries to sound certain of it, but he was beginning to have his own doubts. 

Any color left on Happy’s face washes out, and he moves to pick up the phone from his pocket. 

“Peter- talk to me kid, where are you?” 

“He’s on the line?”

“He was earlier, but now he’s not answering and I think I heard gunshots- this isn’t good Tony.”

He can’t help but agree. 

Tony tries to reassure Happy, but he’s distracted when he sees an Iron Suit land in front of him. Happy must have called it over as he was tracking where they were. 

“Rhodes and Pepper are on their way too, but suit up and find Peter immediately. The police should be here any second, I’ll help them tear down the rest of the operation.”

Happy seems confused that he even has to give Tony the orders, so he tries to hide his trepidation as he steps into his Iron Suit. The interior is different from what he remembers, and he can’t help but be impressed by the upgrades it holds. 

Tony is off in an instant, not exactly sure how to find the kid but also wanting to hide his uncertainty from Happy. He makes random turns and throws any and all guards out of the way as they try to fight him. He smiles as he does so, feeling unstoppable now that he has his armor back. 

But maybe he spoke too soon, because Tony halts on his feet when he finally finds where Peter is. The kid lays on the ground with a pool of blood surrounding him, but that’s not the only reason Tony sees red. 

Annabelle hovers over the boy like a predator, leaning over and digging into the bullet wound using the head of her pistol. Tony feels sick to his stomach, and his brain doesn’t want to process the sight before him. 

But he can’t shut down yet, so he lets his anger control him as he rushes over to the murder scene. When Annabelle eventually looks up, an expression of shock quickly turns into blind terror as she witnesses the Avenger before her. 

She’s on her feet in an instant, kicking off her shoes and running in the opposite direction. Tony pays her no mind as he steps out of the suit and allows the mechanism to finish her off. He has more important things to worry about after all. 

Then, he looks down at Peter and everything comes rushing back to him in seconds. He feels as if he’s hit by a train when all of his memories return, and he suddenly remembers. 

He remembers the war with Thanos, both the failure and success of it. He remembers waking up to the lake house months later with Pepper and Morgan and even Gerald, feeling at bliss as he makes breakfast with his little girl. He remembers Peter, and he wonders how he could have ever forgotten him to begin with. 

“ _Peter_.” 

Tony falls to his knees, unable to keep himself upright as he takes in the chaos with new perspective. There was so much blood surrounding them, and Peter already looked dead, having lost all color on his face and barely moving, even as tears run down his face. 

Peter glances up with vague curiosity, and Tony can’t bring himself to meet his eyes when he’s the reason the kid looks so lost to begin with. He directs his attention to the bullet wound, pressing down on his torso and trying not to throw up when he sees blood stain his fingers. 

To Peter’s credit, he doesn’t protest as Tony does this, despite it clearly hurting the injury more. He whimpers and begins to close his eyes, but Tony was not about to let that happen. 

“Eyes open kiddo, keep them focused on me, alright?” Tony’s voice shakes as he says it, yet he still attempts to hide his fear as he wipes Peter’s tears away using the pad of his thumb. The action causes a streak of blood to cover his cheek, and he regrets the decision immediately. 

At the same time, Tony can’t bear the thought of Peter dying without any love or comfort. The kid has already been through so much, and the least he deserves is the knowledge that he’s not alone as he takes his final breath. 

So Tony holds him close, not bothered by the fact that blood was now ruining his clothes; his only concern was whether or not Peter was still alive. He praises him with each gasp he takes and tries to be as gentle as he can when pressing down the wound. 

Eventually, Peter opens his mouth to say something, but the words are completely unintelligible. Tony watches closely as Peter looks him in the eyes, and he seems so terrified despite not knowing what was going on. 

Tony whispers reassurances in his ears anyway, straight up lying to him as he promises that everything was going to be okay. He reminds Peter that he is loved by so many people, but especially himself. He apologizes more times than he can count, and the words spill out of him with no filter.

Peter dies like that, wrapped around Tony’s arms as he bleeds out on the tiled floor. He closes his eyes and it’s not until they don’t open again when Tony chooses to break down, furious at the world for yet again taking away the best thing he’s ever had. 

But Tony couldn’t blame the universe this time around, he knew that this was his fault. 

He rocks back and forth with Peter’s dead body in his arms, completely delirious from his own grief as sobs escape him. 

Tony mourns, and then he wakes up. 

He shoots out of bed in an instance, covered in sweat and barely able to catch his breath as he moves to find the switch. Artificial lights blind his eyes, and he waits a moment for them to adjust as he looks around the room. 

It takes longer than it should for Tony to process that he was in the medbay, and once the realization strikes he sinks back into bed, trying yet failing to stay calm as he separates himself from the looming nightmare.

He knew the moment he saw Peter’s blood on the floor that the image would haunt him for the rest of his life, but he hadn’t realized the extent of it at the time. It has been around two weeks since the escape, and Tony has relived the moment every night since then. 

He had been forced by Pepper to sleep in the medbay for the next couple days in case he went into another seizure. When he first learned this he had been pissed off, having not even remembered the first one and wanting to be close to his wife and daughter after weeks of confinement. 

In that moment however, he couldn’t be more grateful for his whereabouts as he sneaks out of his bed and heads directly across the hall.

He does this every time he has a nightmare, peeking into Peter’s hospital room just to be sure that the kid was still alive. Peter was nowhere near healed from Annabelle’s gunshot, but he looked significantly better each day, especially now that he was out of his coma. 

Tony follows his new routine like clockwork, twisting the doorknob open and entering the room as quietly as he can. He pauses in his steps when he sees the lights on, and the bed that Peter usually rests in is currently vacant at three in the morning. 

For a split second, irrational fear consumes Tony’s thoughts when he doesn’t find Peter, but then he hears a hiss of pain from his left. 

Peter is standing next to the medical supplies, visibly pale as he attempts to fix the stitches on his torso that seem to have come undone. His hands tremble the slightest bit as he pulls at the thread, and Tony is forced to look away when he sees blood coat the boy’s fingers. 

He’s able to pull himself together as he rushes towards Peter, grabbing onto his wrists and gently removing them from the new set of stitches he was working on. Peter had just noticed Tony then, jumping back the slightest bit only to relax seconds later when he recognizes him. 

“Oh, hey Mister Stark,” Peter says with a smile, and it takes all of his willpower not to let out a sigh. 

“What happened to your stitches kid?” Tony tries to lead him to bed, but Peter refuses to budge as he holds onto the table using a bit of his superstrength. 

“Wait, I’m almost done!” Peter focuses his attention back to the wound, and Tony had to admit that he was doing a pretty good job with stitching considering the state he was in. Still, Tony doesn’t hesitate to take the thread away despite the protests that come out of Peter. 

To that, he raises an eyebrow and gives an expectant look, waiting for a real answer. 

Peter eventually obliges, letting out a sigh of his own, “Some of the stitches opened up so I thought I would take a look at them.”

“Yeah, I can see that. You wanna explain to me why you didn’t call for help instead?” 

“It’s faster this way, and plus I know how to stitch, I don’t need the help.” Peter attempts to grab the supplies out of Tony’s hand, but he moves them so they're out of reach. 

“Just because you don’t need help doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ask for it. Lay in bed, I’ll take it from here.” 

Peter seems reluctant to follow orders but he does so anyway, dragging his feet as he moves to sit at the edge of the bed. As he gets himself situated, Tony takes another look at the hospital room, noticing the way the bed covers lay crumbled on the floor almost as if they were thrown off in a panicked state. 

And then it all suddenly makes sense to Tony. 

“Did you have a nightmare?” 

Peter’s head snaps forward and he stares at Tony with disbelief, “what?”

Tony makes a show of checking the time on his watch, trying to lighten the mood for Peter in whatever small way he can. “Why else would you be pulling stitches at three in the morning?” 

“Some call this the Devil’s Hour.” 

Tony raises an eyebrow, “is there something you’re trying to tell me here?”

To that Peter laughs, and it almost convinces Tony to drop the conversation just because he loves the sound of it so much.

Almost. 

“Quit deflecting kiddo, tell me what’s going on.”

Peter bites his lip, hesitating on something but still allowing Tony to push him back so he was resting on the bed. From there, he begins to look at the stitches himself, working with gentle fingers as he tries to ignore the blood that always seem to haunt him both in nightmares and reality. 

“Do you believe in afterlife Mister Stark?”

Tony is taken aback by the question but he is quick to mask his curiosity, instead offering a casual shrug in response, “is that why you’re talking about the Devil?”

Peter laughs again but this one is less genuine. Tony glances up to see Peter staring at the ceiling, clearly distracted with whatever was going on in his head. He welcomes the silence, giving Peter the moment he needs to gather his thoughts. Eventually he does, and it’s not what Tony was expecting.

“When my uncle died so many people told me that he was in a better place now, and I always just went with it because what else are you supposed to say to that?” 

Tony doesn’t have an answer, but he supposes he doesn’t need one because Peter continues his stream of consciousness anyway. He focuses back on the stitches, letting the task ground him as he listens.

“I try to tell myself that he’s up there watching over me, and most of the time I actually believe it. I let it comfort me when I first became Spider-Man too, like even if the worst case scenario happens maybe it wouldn’t be the worst after all... maybe he’s waiting for me with open arms.” 

Tony can’t stand Peter talking about his death so flippantly, especially after just waking from the same nightmare, so he has to intervene. 

“Kid, you’re not dying anytime soon.” 

“You don’t know that.”

 _“_ Peter _-”_

“I knew what was at stake when I first put on the mask, you can’t promise me that I’m going to live a long life just like I can’t promise you.”

There was no anger or resentment in Peter’s words, he only speaks them as if they were a state of fact, “And I don’t mean that in a suicidal way, I wanna live for as long as I can- but I know how the world works.” 

Tony hates that he’s right, hates that he has nothing to say that will hold any meaning. 

“I guess I’ve always thought that I wasn’t afraid of death, but then I was actually dying and all the condolences that people tell you when someone passes away suddenly seemed too good to be true, I don’t know if I’m making sense.” 

It made perfect sense to Tony.

“Is that all what’s keeping you up?” 

Peter shrugs, “I also had a nightmare earlier.”

Tony hums in consideration, finishing up on the last of the stitches before giving his input. He wants all of his attention to be on Peter when he attempts to comfort him. 

“You’re wrong, you know.” 

Peter offers a puzzled look in return, “I am?”

Tony moves to grab the bandages off the nightstand, and it’s not until Peter is wrapped up and secured around his torso that Tony actually tries to give an answer. 

“You’re wrong, because I know for a fact that you’re going to live a long life- you’re going to graduate from high school then college, you’re going to fall in love and get married and eventually have kids if you so desire.” 

Peter doesn’t seem all too convinced, “but how do you know?”

“There’s no other option, it’s either you live a long and happy life or the world just stops turning.” 

Peter chuckles, not realizing that Tony was completely serious. “I already died once and the world seemed just fine.” 

He means it as a joke, but the reminder of losing the kid causes Tony’s heart rate to pick up. He pays no mind to it as he leans closer to Peter. 

“And who brought you back?”

“Those were different circumstances-” 

“ _Who_ brought you back?”

Peter rolls his eyes but it’s in good nature, “You did Mister Stark.”

“That’s right, and I will spend the rest of my life making sure that you get to live yours- I promise you that, even if you don’t believe me now.”

Peter finally nods, releasing a breath that he had been holding as he looks away, “I was really scared that night.” 

The admission causes guilt to rise out of Tony, and he can only tell the truth as he whispers to Peter. 

“I was terrified.” 

Peter looks back, seemingly confused though Tony wasn’t exactly sure why, “you were?” 

He moves his hand so it brushes the hairs away from Peter’s face, and it warms his heart when he witnesses the kid visibly lean into the touch. 

“I have nightmares about it too.” 

Tony offers no further details but it doesn’t seem like he has too, because judging from the way Peter looks at him, he hears the unspoken words. 

He’s a little nervous to ask his next question, but he does so anyway knowing that it would help both Peter and himself. 

“How would you feel if I slept here tonight? Just to make sure you don’t pull another stitch while you’re sleeping.”

Thankfully Peter smiles at the suggestion, seemingly relieved, “If you don’t mind- I'd actually like that.” 

Tony moves to grab the abandoned covers off the floor, remaking the bed with Peter in it. He then nudges his shoulder and forces Peter to move to the side as he climbs in the bed as well. 

“Alright, give me some space, would you? I don’t want any back problems in the morning.” 

“That’s something an old man would say.”

Tony gasps in mock horror, faking offense as he situates himself. He loves how Peter responds with a laugh.

They say their goodnights and begin to relax in the tiny bed, and Tony feels at peace for the first time in weeks as he takes in the warmth of Peter’s body. After some time, he leans over and plants a kiss on his forehead.

“Sweet dreams kiddo.” 

“You called me Parker when you had amnesia, I thought that was kind of interesting,” Peter says this with a slur in his voice, and it was obvious that he would be asleep any minute now. 

Still, Tony leans over and whispers in his ear, “never again.”

Peter falls asleep just like that, and Tony can tell from the way his head grows heavy on his shoulder. He’s grateful that the kid is finally getting proper sleep after so many restless nights in both the cell and the medbay. 

Tony doesn’t close his eyes however, he simply relishes in the rise and fall of Peter’s chest and tries to commit the sensation to memory. He promises himself to never forget the feeling. 

Never again. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, and stay safe during quarantine!


End file.
